Heaven On Earth

Every now and then, in the midst of toddler busyness, messiness, meltdowns.....you get these moments where she just wants to be held, cuddled, loved. I LIVE for these times, where I can lay with her and feel the steady rhythm of her breathing, smell her sweet skin, and run my fingers through her hair.  Nothing else matters, nothing is more important.  This is HEAVEN. ON. EARTH and there is absolutely no other place I'd rather be. This is pure, uninhibited, unconditional LOVE.

 

Finding Refuge

This little sign that I made sits on our dining room table.  I had every intention of changing the message every week ~ a scripture, inspirational quote, etc.  Well, it hasn't changed since January... and thus, the message has sortof faded into the background of household miscellanea.  Until today, when I realized what it does NOT say:

It does not say:

• "Let all who take refuge in HOUSEWORK be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in THEIR TO-DO LIST be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in PRODUCTIVITY be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in DIET and EXERCISE be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in BEING SKINNY be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in SHOPPING be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in TELEVISION be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in FACEBOOK or PINTEREST be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in COFFEE be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in WINE be glad."
• "Let all who take refuge in WHINE be glad!"

Insert your own substitute, but, as I continually re-discover, none of these things are the TRUE source of gladness (or even stress relief) in my life.  There is only one true Source of joy and peace, and it is in being in the presence of the Divine! So, I'm not changing the sign just yet.... since I continue to need this lesson on a daily basis!

A Day In The Life Of Mommy

Ever since I posted about "A Day In The Life of Tess" (which was really just pictures), I've been meaning to do a similar post about my "new life."  I've actually had a few people ask me, "So what do you do all day?" and I've realized how naive I had been -- and most people are -- about all that does not get done when you are a stay-at-home mom.  I'd like to preface the below by clarifying that I am not complaining; I'm just taking my time getting to the point. 

It's true that I had no idea what I was getting into when I decided to quit my full-time job to work at Tess Staff.  (Heck, I had no idea what I was getting into when I decided to have a baby!) I have friends who are SAHMs (stay-at-home moms), and I always thought they made it look so glamorous -- the key words being "made it look."  I had the idea that by the time Tess was 6 months old, I would have accomplished the following:

--My to-do list (even the items that have been at the bottom for more than a year) would be long-since completed, leaving me with oodles of free time to do "all the things I always wanted to do."

--My house would be spotless, from floor to ceiling, and in every nook and cranny.  I would have it SO clean that it would essentially clean itself going forward. 

--All of my possessions would be purged, organized, and catalogued as needed. 

--My garage and office would be purged, organized, and I would actually enjoy stepping out the kitchen door to admire my storage skills.

--All of my photos would be organized, put into albums, and backed up....twice.

--I would have the perfect body, naturally, since I wouldn't be working and could focus all my attention on eating healthy and working out.

--I would be a domestic goddess: cooking, crafting, sewing (I have yet to learn how) and blogging about it all.

--I would have read almost half the books on my bookshelves: classics, devotionals, self-helps, etc.

--I would have more time to be involved in Junior League, maybe even chair a committee.

--I would be the best mother, wife, daughter, and friend anyone could ask for; I'd have time to spend nurturing relationships and being what everyone wants and needs.

--And of course, none of this would be possible if I weren't the most spiritual I've ever been, fully attuned to God and ready for my holiness to overflow into the lives of everyone I come into contact with.

--Oh, and since it's not all about ME, I'd spend all day making homemade organic food, playing with/reading stories to my perfect baby, rocking her to sleep, and teaching her to adore me. 

As if it didn't sound ridiculous enough in my head, once I acknowledged it, the list above certainly deserves a hearty "LOL" for being just about as far-fetched as you can get.  If that's what I thought I signed up for, then I deserve a triple refund AND a huge reality check.  There's no way my new life is that idyllic.  Or is it?

So here's a more accurate picture of what my days look like:

--Wake up when the baby awakens and start juggling tasks and chores with baby care.

--Feed Tess breakfast, get her situated in some type of "play" scenario (swing, tummy time, etc.).

--Tidy the house from the night before.

--Change diaper, wipe up baby puke (off my clothes, off the floor, etc.), countdown to naptime. Suppress mild irritation that my day most likely will not go according to MY plan, and remember I have a beautiful, sweet, healthy, happy baby girl I get to spend my days with.  Repeat 3x.

--Morning nap, aka "the dilemma." I only have 45-90 minutes (if I'm lucky).  There is a world of possiblities available to me!  Should I....a) Bathe? (It's a right, not a privilege! Depends on what appointments are on calendar for the day.) b) Work on tidying the house, since I probably didn't finish?  c) Work on actually CLEANING the house, instead of just putting things away? d) Do laundry?  Because there's always laundry.  e) Work on something from my to-do list?  Like pay bills, schedule car maintenance, fix the laser printer that's been broken since July, etc.?  f) Work out? Because wishing for that perfect post-baby body isn't getting me anywhere. g) Eat breakfast? h) Have a quiet time/devotional? i) Do something crafty, or something else I actually want to do?  (By the time I have fretted over which of these items is feasible, or how many I can knock out at record speed, we are at least 15 minutes into nap time.  Already I'm scheming about which of these items will have to wait until the afternoon nap, assuming there are no appointments or social obligations on calendar for the day.)

--Feed Tess lunch and a bottle.

--Play time with Tess (this doesn't always happen, but it's always my intention): tummy time, story time, go for a walk, etc.

--Change diaper, wipe up baby puke (off my clothes, off the floor, etc.), countdown to naptime. Suppress mild irritation that my day most likely will not go according to MY plan, and remember I have a beautiful, sweet, healthy, happy baby girl I get to spend my days with. Repeat 3x.

--Tidy house from the morning's activities.

--Afternoon nap, aka "The Dilemma, Part 2." See a) through i) above, assuming I am not tidying house again/still.

--Give Tess her afternoon bottle.

--After naptime, keep Tess entertained (and safe) until Daddy gets home, while also attempting to tidy house (again/still) or accomplish a) through i) above.

--Change diaper, wipe up baby puke (off my clothes, off the floor, etc.), countdown to Daddy coming home to help!!! Suppress mild irritation that my day most likely will not go according to MY plan, and remember I have a beautiful, sweet, healthy, happy baby girl I get to spend my days with. Repeat 3x.

--Hand off baby to Daddy, start dinner.

--Tidy the house from the afternoon's activities. (Are you seeing a trend?)

--Feed Tess dinner and clean up.

--Countdown to bathtime, because that means bedtime follows.

--Give Tess a bath (team effort with Daddy), and hand off to Daddy for night time bottle and bedtime routine.

--Finish making dinner, put Tess to bed.

--Collapse onto couch. It's at this point I realize that I am either still in my pajamas from this morning, or am so tired I will most likely crawl into bed wearing my clothes because I'm too exhausted to change.

I was telling a friend today that just because we embrace change doesn't mean we don't have to still adjust to it. And at six months, there is still adjusting taking place -- physically (my environment AND my body), mentally (new and different challenges), emotionally (my identity has almost completely changed, it seems), and spiritually (dying to self all. the. time.).  So, I'm not going to be deceptive and make my blog look like this new life is all crafting and playdates.  This new life is not. about. me.  And if leaving my well-established, invigorating, and well-paying career was like jumping off a cliff, this adjustment time is like learning how to use my parachute.  Sometimes it's a daily struggle to not be bugged...irritated...even upset that I can't just do whatever I want, go wherever I want, whenever I want. I'm used to finding my value in what I can accomplish, buckling down and getting stuff done (nose to the grindstone-like). Now, I've had to shift from being task-oriented to relationship-oriented.  I must focus on BEING instead of DOING. 

But I love it, and I wouldn't trade it. This BEING vs. DOING -- it's been wonderful and worth the struggle to give up myself, my ideas of how I think my days need to go.  In the midst of the newness and frustrations and amazing experiences with my precious girl, there has been quiet and rest.  (How this has been possible with a new baby is a miracle in itself.) I've had time to hear myself think, listen to my heart, listen to God.  And there has been restoration of relationships. I've seen more of my family and friends that I had in years, revived important relationships that had been suffering, and found new intimacy with so many people who I now have the time to remember are terribly important to me. 

Yes, this "it's not about me anymore" is a really blessed thing, even though I push back at it on a daily basis.  So my new life doesn't LOOK like I thought it should (and most days, I'm still wishing I had it all together, tied up in a perfect bow), but it FEELS better than I ever expected.  It's hectic, it's challenging, and it's definitely changing me.  And it's a beautiful thing.

Thanksgiving & The Beatitudes...

Recently I started reading the New Testament from "The Message" translation ("the New Testament in contemporary language") and was really moved by its take on the Sermon on the Mount and the Beatitudes.  I've been reading this section and meditating on it the past few days, and felt like sharing it somewhere....and it seems really appropriate for the Thanksgiving holiday. So here goes:

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.  With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.  Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are -- no more, no less.  That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God.  He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

You're blessed when you care.  At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

You're blessed when you get your inside world -- your mind and heart -- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.  That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family. 

You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.  This persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

Let me tell you why you are here: you're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste Godliness?....You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.  God is not a secret to be kept.

Now that I've put you here on a hilltop, on a light stand -- shine!  Keep open house, be generous with your lives.  By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, our generous Father in heaven."

Thanksgiving morning in Fullerton

We're celebrating our day of thankfulness in Fullerton with the Suich side of the family. It's Tess's first out of town trip, and so it's a bit of an adventure -- but she is doing great!  She's always a happy baby, whether at home or out and about.  Our hearts are full....and soon our bellies will be, too!  Happy Thanksgiving to all!

To Tess On My 34th Birthday

Beautiful Tess,

I can't believe you're 3 months old this weekend.  You are the most precious baby I've ever known and your little life lights up my world.  My most favorite pastime is looking into your eyes and just waiting for a big smile on your face.  I'm so glad I get to spend my days with you.

Tomorrow is my 34th birthday.  People have been asking me what gifts I'd like to get, and for the first time I can remember, I can't think of anything.  Having you in my life makes me feel so fulfilled and content! Anything I could want seems to pale in comparison to the gift of having you. 

So tomorrow night is a milestone for both of us -- my first birthday as a mother, and our first night apart.  You are going to stay at Grandma & Grandpa's so that Mommy & Daddy can have a night out and sleep in. As much as I will miss you, I'm excited for your first little adventure away from home.  And I'm glad we'll both be asleep for most of it!  I know I can't stop you growing up...the only thing that makes your getting bigger "okay" is the promise of all the fun memories we will make together over the years. 

I love you with all my heart ~

Mommy

Time For Change...

It's not even been 3 weeks since my last post, and I already feel SO behind on this blog! We have had SO MUCH going on, and I'm excited to document it all. What a crazy, overwhelming, exhausting, emotional, sweet and memorable time of life this is for us, as we prepare for the arrival of our baby girl.

I have been telling Chad that I really want to change the name of this blog to reflect more of what we are trying to accomplish in our life, and the journey we are on together, especially as we are adding to our family. We are both fascinated with the writings of Henry David Thoreau, and have spent much time talking about how we can live more simply, authentically, and deliberately (intentionally), savoring moments and experiences and relationships instead of worrying about "keeping up with the joneses." We have noticed over the years that it's not like us to do what everyone else is doing, or what everyone thinks we should do or when we should do it...and we are realizing that how we do what we do is what makes us who we are and makes us happy in ourselves and in each other. (Did you catch all that?) We genuinely love our life together, with all of the wonderful people and experiences who have helped shape us, and we recognize that living simply and deliberately gives us the space (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) to appreciate it all the more.

So, we are working out a new blog title, although the web address will most likely stay the same. I can't say whether it will stick, but if anything it's a start in the direction we want to go!

Below, for your reading pleasure, are some quotes from Thoreau that relate to this topic....

From Walden: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach...I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."

"Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit."

"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."

"He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his soul's estate."

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

"I make myself rich by making my wants few."

"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads."

Surprise Party

Also this past weekend, in addition to our maternity photo shoot, we conspired with my cousin Valerie and Uncle Dick to throw a suprise birthday get together for my Aunt Debbie's 60th.  We had a great time preparing a delicious meal of salad, corn, and jambalaya.  For dessert was a homemade (and home decorated) carrot cake!

We sure enjoy our family times at "American" (which is what we call their beautiful country home in Reedley).  We can often be found gathered around their big kitchen island, talking and snacking, dining on the patio, or sitting by the pool with margaritas and homemade guacamole with chips.  We have such wonderful memories with my parents, and Dick/Debbie/Valerie there!

Happy 60th, Aunt Debbie -- we love you!

Micah 6:6-8

"With what shall I come before the Lord and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old?

Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams or with ten thousands of rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?"

Ceasing Striving...Food For Thought From Galatians

These verses came to mind as I was thinking about my need to "cease striving" and my desire for a quiet, simple life, full not of tasks and busyness because of my own agenda, but full of the abundant blessings God has bestowed on me. I like the translation provided by "The Message."

Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God... So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law."

The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

Present In The Present....With Gratitude & Contentedness

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." ~Alfred D'Souza

I love this quote and the revelation experienced by the author. So many of us are striving to clear the next hurdle, so fixed on the goal that we miss the scenery that's around us. We have to find that balance between working for/toward something, and being content with who/where we are and what we have. Contentedness somtimes feels elusive in life's hustle and bustle, and yet it is rooted in gratitude.

For more on living in the moment, check out this old blog post on "The Present."

November is a wonderful month to stop and reflect on what we are grateful for!

More great quotes on this topic:

"We are always getting ready to live but never living." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is." ~Author Unknown

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." ~Author Unknown